Friday, September 03 2010
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Advice for caregivers PDF Print
Who you areYou are the people who, thanks to your efforts and tenacity, manage to provide the care that a family member or an ill, disabled or weak friend requires by attending to household chores, personal hygiene and medical assistance. Besides the assistance you provide, you give others the gifts of encouragement, understanding, belonging, hope and meaning in their life. A few statistics:In 33% of cases only one person looks after an ill family member72% are womenThe men usually are husbands or sons Spouses are usually the ones who look after their partner. If they are not able to do so, they are replaced by children or daughters-in-law. - According to statistics, people who look after ill family members provide 80% of overall medical assistance and about 90% of all household support.- At least half of the elderly spouses who are caregivers have health problems of their own-  At least one third work and add caregiving to their other activity.-  80% provide assistance on average for 4 hours a day for 7 days a week. In particularly severe cases (e.g. Alzheimer’s disease) they provide assistance for more than 40 hours a week.- Many think that nurses or old people’s homes provide most of the assistance to ill, weak or disabled people. On the contrary, most of them receive assistance at home by a family member Even those who are institutionalized continue to receive support and help from their families.You are the “head, heart and hands” for both your family and for society. Your role is very important for the well-being of your family members and for society, because through you people who are severely ill receive the comfort and assistance their require with dignity. Challenges and stressOne of the greatest challenges certainly is to manage to provide assistance without neglecting other activities that require time, commitment and energy. The situation becomes more difficult when your commitments are numerous or emotionally draining. It can be very satisfying to assist a patient as it is an expression of love for somebody who is important to us, but it can become also psychologically and physically exasperating.  If the workload becomes excessive, your energy, spirits and problem-solving abilities will be drained and you will become stressed. This feeling will change from day to day according to the health status of the patient, his or her and your mood and the energy that you can rely on. It will certainly get worse when you have to face unpleasant, uncontrollable situations and uncertainty when unexpected substantial changes occur and you inevitably experience frustration. You will certainly experience stress. In order to manage the situation you must learn to balance demands with resources. You must learn to acknowledge, foresee and deal with tasks and stress by reinforcing self-esteem, problem-solving abilities and resorting to adequate external support. In this chapter you will find advice that can help you. Use it.Live, do not just surviveWhat do you need to live and not just to survive in difficult circumstances ?  Stress reduces your vitality and sense of satisfaction. Self-assistance means potentiating one’s resistance, learning to limit negative thoughts, cultivating self-esteem and trying to include pleasant activities in one’s life.  Avoid excessive self-criticismDo you feel guilty every time that things go badly and do you think that when things go well the credit goes to other people ? Do you whisper words of encouragement or of bitter criticism to yourself ? The answers to these questions indicate whether your self-criticism is excessive or not. Even if you do not have a tendency towards self-criticism, stressful circumstances, such as those that you are experiencing now, increase the risk of slipping down into negative attitudes. They generate anxiety or depression and reduce performance and problem-solving abilities. If you feel like that and are unable to react, try and follow this advice:
1. Pay attention to whether your attitude is more of encouragement or self-criticism.
2. Beware of self-criticism such as: “I should have …” I am too …” I should be …”  I never am …”
3. Stop thinking about yourself in negative terms.
4. Replace negative thoughts with other more rationale ones that take reality into consideration, acknowledge your strengths and your limitations and identify possible alternatives or new perspectives.
5. If you realize that you have serious doubts about yourself or are very self-critical, ask a friend, an assistant or a therapist for an objective opinion.Increasing your self-esteemSelf-esteem means that you realize at the bottom of your heart that you are a competent human being worthy of love. This helps you to believe in yourself. Lack of self-esteem makes you feel defenceless, uncertain, isolated and anxious. A study showed that self-esteem is essential for one’s well-being and the ability to cope with stress. We have identified three strategies to help you build and maintain self-esteem:
1. Spend time with your favorite people. It is important to spend time with people who appreciate you, who help you to believe in yourself, acknowledge your abilities and trust your opinions.  How many times do you meet them, talk to them or keep in touch ? What prevents you from seeing them ? What can you do to facilitate these contacts ?
2. Pat your back. Allow yourself to see the positive qualities that others attribute to you, learn to appreciate your abilities and your inner strength.
3. Avoid "poisons” that could reduce your self-esteem. One can live satisfactorily notwithstanding conflicts, lack of respect and oppression by others. These destructive messages tend to “block” , not “to reinforce”.  Avoid spending time with people who reduce your self-esteem with their judgements; try to follow the advice below:
- as we have already said, spend time regularly with people who believe in you and who like you
- avoid minimizing their appreciation of you
- acknowledge your inner strength and how it has helped you in the past
- Recall something that you are proud of every day
- Ignore useless criticism instead of taking it seriously
- learn to respect yourself as you respect others
- avoid people who damage your self-esteem
- do not minimize your abilities and what you have to offer others Have funYou will certainly have experienced increases in tension during caregiving. The most simple tasks, such as shopping, cooking, bathing, cannot be considered routine tasks anymore. It is impossible to dedicate part of your time to activities that nourish and regenerate your soul.  These pleasures will become rare luxuries rather than regular activities, because the demands and problems that you have to cope with will make them seem too costly in terms of time, energy and money. If it was difficult to list 10 activities, this probably does not mean that you do not like to do many things, but rather that you have not paid attention to what regenerates you.   Try and regularly plan at least some of them. Avoid spending all of your energy only on caregiving to the detriment of the pleasant activities that you would like to indulge in. This will improve your ability to deal with the problems of the patient. If you do not do it, you risk getting depressed and demoralized. Looking after oneselfExercise, correct dietary habits and relaxation are the basis of well-being and good health. You have to balance these factors to regenerate your body and mind and keep in shape, and also to perform your caregiving duties well.ExercisesThere are many excuses not to exercise: “I am too old”  “I already get enough exercise with caregiving” “I do not have time and energy for this” The benefits from physical exercise are considerable, but including it in your agenda is never easy.  Research has shown that one is never too old and that caregiving does not provide the kind of exercise one needs; moreover, it may be that you are experiencing stress, tiredness and depression also because you are not exercising. For this reason go on reading.Choose the right kind of exerciseIt does not necessarily have to be something that others do. It must be something you like and that you benefit from, and it should be done regularly. Your exercise could be: Walking, cycling, swimming. If you did not do it before, consult your doctor beforehand.Try to have funChoose an activity that you like, this will increase the probabilities that you get involved.Do not expect too much too earlyResults will be better if you set yourself some intermediate goals and gradually increase the efforts in your chosen field at least up to 3 times a week.  Reward yourselfFor every obstacle  that you overcome. Independently of whether you achieve your goals or not, reward yourself for what you have achieved (a  massage, a bunch of flowers, a movie).Be convinced that looking after yourself is importantFinding the time to help your sick person is easy, finding the time to look after yourself is difficult. Remember that this may reduce and even cancel the feeling of continuous tiredness and of being overloaded.   Dietary habits This paragraph does not actually deal with nutrition, but rather with common self-destructive dietary habits of caregivers. Our society is full of information on cholesterol, sodium and vitamins. To remain efficient you must not only know these things, but also know how to follow a healthy diet. Here are some alternatives that we recommend …
- Get organized so that you can sometimes have a meal during the week with someone “special”:  your niece, a neighbor or a dear friend.    Accept their offer to bring food or invite you out with joy. Eating in company makes you enjoy your meal more.
- Take your lunch into the bedroom if the person you are looking after eats in bed
- Make a telephone call when you feel lonely instead of eating sweets Look for friends elsewhere, not in the candy bag. 

 

 

 

 
 
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